Here’s what we mean by the term, Intentional Grandmother:
We had a great-grandmother who was known for her Jell-O salads. These were ubiquitous in the 1960s and 1970s, and for Nana, they represented a solution for something that had always been a problem: How to always have a meal on hand for anyone who walked through the door. Apparently, she kept a Jell-O salad at the ready in her refrigerator every day until the day she died. Any time a guest or family member stopped by without warning (people did that in the days before text messaging), she could put something on the table for them to eat. She was intentional about making sure no one ever went hungry when they visited. But I think there was more to it than a meal. Jell-O salads made it possible for her to give her full attention to visitors, rather than spending precious time in the kitchen making sandwiches or tuna casserole while everyone else had fun chatting in the living room without her. This wasn’t just about food. It was an intentional action geared toward allowing her to be completely present when her family gathered.
Photo by Girl with red hat on Unsplash
Defining the Intentional Grandmother:
An intention, according to Harvard Psychologists, is “a mental state that represents a commitment to carrying out an action or actions in the future.”
I translate intentional grandparenting to mean that I’m planning out in advance how I want my grandparenting journey to look, and I’m committed to carrying out my plan.
- I’m not just babysitting, I’m planning to have fun and play with my grandchildren when they are in my care.
- I’m not scrambling to think up last-minute fun, I have an arsenal of ideas for craft projects, recipes, fun outdoor activities, already gathered and waiting.
- I’m not hanging out on a whim, I’m planning a real date and putting it on the calendar in advance.
- I’m not trying to distract the kids with a project while I work on my own stuff. I’m fully engaged, listening, and giving them wholehearted attention for the precious few hours I get to spend with them.
Grandma RaRa lives in Texas, but she can get out the artificial snow and the penguins any time someone comes to play!
The Intentional Grandmother: Setting Your Intentions
January is a great time to get going on intentional plans for your next year of grandparenting, but you can also start in May, or sometime next week. What do you plan do to during the next year to maximize the joy of the time you get to spend with your grandchildren? How can advance planning set you up to make more connections? Once you begin to approach your grandparenting journey in this way, you’ll see how much more freedom you have to really concentrate on the relationship in the moments when it really counts.
Here are five tools to help you get started:
1. Monthly “Letters to My Grandchildren” Penpal Templates
Start with something simple, and so doable that it takes only a few minutes of your month to create a connection.
If your young grandkids enjoy getting real live snail mail like mine do, these easy-to-use penpal templates will help simplify snail-mail communication. All you have to do is fill one out and drop it in the mail. I purchased the digital download from Amanda and Susan’s OverTheRiverLife Etsy store. Each month, I print off two copies of the template. I fill mine in and add a blank copy the grandkids can send back to me. I always add a self-addressed, stamped envelope to make the project easier on busy parents. Sometimes they get returned. Often they don’t. But I know I’ve made a plan to send something in the mail every month, and the follow-through is simpler because I have a plan I can follow month after month.
Adorable pen pal templates by OverTheRiver are available in their Etsy shop.
2. SilverPost Textable Photo Postcards
I’ve been mailing SilverPost postcards to my own mother this year. They are all displayed prominently by her desk.
If that seems too complicated, here’s an elegantly simple monthly snail-mail postcard you can send off in a matter of seconds!
Once each month, you text a favorite photo to Silver Post, along with a brief message. Silver Post then prints out a beautiful, high-quality postcard with your image and message and mails it for you. It takes me less than a minute to choose a photo out of my smartphone feed and add a message each month. They text a preview copy back to me, and if I don’t like what I see, I can make changes. These go to great-grandma, and as you can see by this shot of her office armoire, she has hung them where she can see them every day.
It would be fun to mail postcards to your children and grandchildren as well. Better yet, purchase an account for your children so they can mail postcards of the grandkids to you! Cost is about$5.00 per month. Visit https://www.hello.thesilverpost.com/ to sign up.
3. MoreThanGrand New Grandparent Essentials Course:
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learned about approaching my new role with intention came from DeeDee Moore, creator of the New Grandparent Essentials Course. It helped me create conversations with my adult children about what they want from us as grandparents. And the course included a writing activity that helped me decide what I ultimately want out of my grandparenting journey. You can’t be an intentional grandmother without really thinking about the future and how you will impact it through your actions today. One of the results of taking the course was that my husband and I added a line item to our budget so that we will always have funds saved for an annual vacation with the grandkids.
DeeDee sums up the entire system with three words: Ask. Listen. Respect.
The MVG Roadmap will give you a better idea of the essential elements in the New Grandparent Essentials course. Click the image to view the website.
You may get a kick out of spoiling the grandkids with treats and toys. Mom and Dad, who have to deal with cranky, over-sugared grandchildren, or with figuring out a way to store the toy supply in their small, cramped apartment, may not appreciate that kind of generosity. The templates in the workbooks are easy to use and will open a great conversation between you and your own kids about how to be the very best possible grandparent without stepping on their toes. You’ll also find a section that will help you think through how you want to impact your grandchildrens’ lives and pass on your own legacy without undermining what their parents are trying to teach. It’s a valuable gift to yourself. This course will change the way your grandparent. Don’t forget to include Grandfather in the conversation.
4. Readeo.com
This website gets a lot of love from us because we use it often! Get access to a growing library of children’s picture books for a nominal monthly subscription. (At this writing, it’s 9.99 per month). Readeo allows you to BookChat online with up to four additional people. It’s a little like a Zoom call but without the difficulty of reading a book over videoconference. You or your grandchild can choose a favorite book and turn the pages together as you read aloud. An intentional grandmother can create opportunities for connection and help her grandchild thrive at the same time!
For the price of a single picture book, you’ll get access to thousands of great books you can read aloud to a grandchild via Readeo BookChat.
5. Grandma and Grandpa Date Night Scratch-off Cards
Michele Bettridge at GiddyGrandma.com created these fun cards and introduced me to the idea of Grandma and Grandpa dates with a purpose. She’s passionate about turning grandparent/grandkid time into something much more fulfilling than an hour or two of free babysitting. Your purchase allows you to download the editable template so that you can type in your own ideas for fun dates. Next, you print the cards out and cover each circle with a scratch-off sticker provided with your purchase. The grandkids can scratch off one of the two circles to reveal the date they will go on next, and the two of you will plan a time that works for Mom and Dad’s calendar. (Mom and Dad can use the free adult supervision to go on a date of their own so this is a win-win!) Michelle recommends that you print off several and slip them into an inexpensive 4×6 photo album. You can store the album at your house or gift it to the grandkids.
Add your own “date” ideas to the editable cards you purchase from GiddyGrandma.com, then cover each circle with a scratch-off sticker (also provided).
Share your Intentional Grandparenting Ideas:
We are always looking for great ideas to help us be more intentional grandmothers. Please share any ideas you have with us! You can leave a comment below, or message us on Instagram: @playdate_box. We’d love to see and share your best ideas!
-Grandma Nae & Grandma RaRa