Children’s Book author, Erin Gray recently sat down with us to share the inspiration for her first children’s book, I Can’t, But I Can. Illustrated by Nataly Frolova, this sweet little book is the “true” story of one little boy’s ingenious use of modern technology to connect with his grandparents who live far away. His creativity abounds, and throughout his day, he finds lots of ingenious ways to bring Pop and Grammy along “in his back pocket.” They join him in purposeful playtime even though they can’t be in the same room.
Here are some of the insights Erin shared with us during our 2021 Interview:
What Inspired the Book, I Can’t, But I Can?
“I wrote my book because my mom has written several stories and I wanted to encourage her to self-publish them,” says Erin. “I thought if I could write a book and learn how to publish it, I could help encourage her to move forward with her books too. I’m very close to my parents, but they live 6 hours away. This book is inspired by our adventures in learning how to connect through FaceTime.
Erin Gray’s Advice For Successful “Virtual” Visits
“If you don’t make your virtual visits intentional and scheduled, you will not succeed. My Mom is a really good connector. She won’t let distance stop her. She’s an Uber grandma. She was going to do amazing things with her grandkids no matter what. I think both of us saw right away that we could benefit from using a platform like a FaceTime call, but you’ve got to see the purpose in the opportunity. You have to see the calls as something valuable in order to really get the benefit,” says Erin.
For Erin, part of the solution was putting the visits on her calendar. “We make time for the things that are most important to us. The dentist makes you schedule the next visit. They don’t wait for you to feel like going,” she points out. She’s had to be invested in the project along with her parents. Although the purpose of the calls is for them to connect with her young son, he’s not capable yet of managing the technology on his own. It really isn’t as simple as just picking up the phone and calling. The child doesn’t control his or her end of the call. The parent does. So a parent has to be on board and willing to support the effort.
You have to be a little intentional about creating a schedule everyone can depend on and plan around—just as you would if grandma and grandpa were coming for a vacation. A parent of a child needs to be willing to take the lead in making space in the family calendar for these calls. This is, after all, a relationship you typically want to encourage. Plus, if Grandpa is willing to read to a child or supervise the block tower building while a parent prepares dinner, gets a load of laundry going, or finishes writing an email for work, that seems like a win-win-win!
The Virtual Piggyback Ride: Re-Imagining Ways To Play
Erin won’t ever forget the moment she saw her son offer to give his Grammy a piggyback ride around his house. She was hundreds of miles away, but that did not stop him. He balanced his iPad on his back and off they went. This sparked the idea for a book. I Can’t But I Can follows an inventive preschooler around the house as he re-imagines dozens of ways to engage his grandparents in play as he goes about his day. He can’t climb into Grammy’s lap for a story, but he can take his phone or tablet for a piggyback ride. Although he can’t watch TV together with his grandfather, he can build a tall tower of blocks with Pop cheering him on. He can show off his sidewalk chalk art, play hide and seek, and more.
Teaching a Child About Phone Placement
After scheduling a regular meeting time (Erin and her son use lunchtime as their “trigger” for a daily call), Erin had to practice some phone placement with her son. It took a little while for him to understand how to place the iPad so his grandparents could participate in his fun. When Grammy gets bored or can’t see him on-screen, she makes snoring sounds to alert him. This is his cue to adjust the placement of the iPad and get her involved in the play again. Pop participates as well. Sometimes they’ll do an easy craft together over a Zoom call.
Making “Sand Slime” Virtually with Grammy and Pop
Which Online Audience Will Care The Most About Your Child?
“They were getting so much second-hand,” says Erin. “The birthday party, the little milestones. This way, they actually get to be part of it.”
“As a world, we have a real need to ENGAGE remotely,” says Erin. “We have the tools, but we still don’t have the mental systems and structures to help us really capitalize on those tools. You give 20 different teachers access to Zoom, you’ll find 20 different levels of engagement. It isn’t the platform’s fault if the class is boring. Our online conversations will continue to be relevant and will become more and more relevant in the future. We are no longer bound to a region, but this will make it more important to make our closest ties ‘present.’
“I lived in Guam for 3 years as a kid. We were very purposeful with phone calls. Our friendships stayed very strong. The question a parent needs to ask is, ‘How do I keep growing this and build our lives together?’ We want to be consumers of real communication, not FAKE communication. Your social media audience isn’t the right audience for being shown that you are loved. That’s what a family is for!”
Getting Started: Simple Ideas For Virtual Visits
To help her readers experience some of the magic of what she’s created in her own family, Erin Gray has created a free I Can’t But I Can Bingo game she offers as a free digital download on her website, eegray.org. You’ll find the printable game pieces and the game board on her website. Just click the image below.
Erin Gray, Author of I Can’t, But I Can
To connect with Erin Gray, Visit eegray.org/contact
To purchase copies of I Can’t, But I Can, visit Amazon.com or your favorite book retailer.